Why this matters
Communication is much more than just the words we say. The intensity with which we deliver our messages impacts how others interpret them.
Intensity shows up in the:
- Volume of our voice
- Muscle tension in our face and body
- Pace of our words
- Words we choose to emphasize
Careless communication is saying whatever’s on our mind without thinking about how others might receive it. When we communicate clearly, we consider both our verbal and our non-verbal messaging. We can avoid the damage done by careless communication when we consistently monitor how intensely we communicate.
Use this PDF as a reminder of the concepts of communicating with clarity.
An accessible version is also available.
Explore and reflect
In each of the following sections, we give some examples of how intensity can impact communication. As you read through them, think about times when your level of intensity, whether too high or too low, resulted in someone misinterpreting what you were trying to communicate.
Volume of our voice
When we speak very loudly, others may think we’re angry or excited. When we lower our voice, other may think we’re being threatening or timid depending on the tone.
Try out each of the following sentences with a whisper, then your regular voice and lastly a loud voice.
- David, don’t you understand?
- I’m trying my best.
- What do you need from me?
- Can you please pass the potatoes?
- I never said you did that.
- Nothing is impossible.
Muscle tension in our face and body
When we’re physically tense, others may think we’re stressed or excited. When we lean in close, they may think we’re being aggressive.
Do this exercise while looking at yourself in a mirror or using a webcam. Read each sentence while you’re very relaxed and again while clenching your jaw, tensing your muscles in your face and body and leaning forward.
- David, don’t you understand?
- I’m trying my best.
- What do you need from me?
- Can you please pass the potatoes?
- I never said you did that.
- Nothing is impossible.
Pace of our words
When we speak quickly, others may think we’re being domineering or not open to discussion. When we respond quickly, we could be interrupting. When we speak very slowly, they may think we’re being condescending or threatening depending on your tone.
Try out each of the following sentences by speaking very slowly, then with your regular voice and lastly very quickly.
- David, don’t you understand?
- I’m trying my best.
- What do you need from me?
- Can you please pass the potatoes?
- I never said you did that.
- Nothing is impossible.
Words we choose to emphasize
Changing the emphasis of a single word in a sentence can completely change how people interpret what you mean.
For example,
- “I don’t know” without any particular emphasis probably– implies that you don’t know.
- “I don’t know” with emphasis on the “I” – might imply that you don’t feel you’re responsible.
- “I don’t know” with emphasis on “don’t” – might imply frustration. You don’t want to be asked the question or you feel they should already know the answer.
- “I don’t know” with emphasis on “know” might– imply that you haven’t made up your mind.
- “I don’t know” with emphasis on all words will probably– imply anger or annoyance.
Read the following sentences several times. Change the word you emphasize each time, like in the example above. Think about how someone might interpret your message differently when you change the emphasis.
- David, don’t you understand?
- I’m trying my best.
- What do you need from me?
- Can you please pass the potatoes?
- I never said you did that.
- Nothing is impossible.
Take action
While the words we choose and our body language matter, so too does the intensity with which we deliver the message.
The next time you’re going into a discussion in which your emotions are or could become intense, consider how you’ll manage the:
- Volume of your voice
- Muscle tension in your face and body
- Pace of your words
- Words you choose to emphasize
Additional resources
Monitor your impact on others. Your mood affects others, whether you wish it to or not. Strengthen your relationships by being aware of your impact on others.
Team activity — Communicate with clarity. In this fun activity, the team will learn how to communicate without their message being misinterpreted.