Why this matters
It’s inevitable that sometimes you’ll feel anger. What’s not inevitable is how you manage and express your anger.
It’s not reasonable to ask anyone, including yourself, to not have certain emotional reactions. To ignore anger is to ignore its basic function of sending you a message about something you feel is unfair or unjust.
It’s not about never feeling angry, but instead learning ways to express your anger constructively to minimize the negative impacts angry behaviour can have on you or others.
Explore and reflect
It’s important to consider how you can express your anger constructively. Before saying or doing anything, ask yourself these questions:
What do I believe is unfair or unjust about this situation? The more specific you can be about the facts, the more objective you can be about how you’d like to resolve or address the situation.
What assumptions am I making about this situation? These are judgments about people’s motives, thoughts or intentions that you couldn’t possibly prove.
How can I express my fears or concerns without accusing or making judgments about others? Ensure that you take responsibility for your emotions and assumptions. For example, say “I’m frustrated about having to wait here because I’m anxious about the amount of work I have left,” rather than, “I can’t believe how rude you were to make me wait.”
Remember, the goal of expressing anger constructively is to identify its cause, take ownership of your own emotions and objectively work towards addressing it. The goal isn’t to punish others or make them suffer.
Take action
Record the 3 questions above someplace you can access easily the next time you’re angry. Before you express your anger, ask yourself the questions. Even if your response isn’t perfect, you’ll be expressing your anger more constructively.